Matthew 18:1-35 (KJV)
At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?
And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,
And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.
But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.
Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!
Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.
And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.
Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.
For the Son of man is come to save that which was lost.
How think ye? if a man have an hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, doth he not leave the ninety and nine, and goeth into the mountains, and seeketh that which is gone astray?
And if so be that he find it, verily I say unto you, he rejoiceth more of that sheep, than of the ninety and nine which went not astray.
Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish.
Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.
For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.
Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.
And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.
But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.
The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.
But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.
And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.
So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.
Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:
Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?
And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.
So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.
Do we need a refresher lesson on the Biblical plan for handling offenses? There are some things a person might argue has gray areas (though there are much fewer of them than most believe). Fortunately there is no gray in the matter of how a Christian is to handle offenses.
There is only the question of whether we obey it.
When we have been offended or in some way wronged (especially by another in our church)
I. FORGIVE THEM
Vs 18-35
Please notice that a full one half of this chapter is taken up with the subject of forgiveness.
We are to forgive them
· We are to forgive them repeatedly
· We are to forgive them as we have been forgiven by God
· We are to expect chastening of the Lord if we do not forgive them
Most issues of offense would be handled without further incident by merely forgiving. No one is perfect. The person who offended (I refer to a fellow member in your church) you almost certainly did not mean to cause pain, hurt and offense.
· Sometimes we just mess up.
· Sometimes we don’t even know we have messed up.
If a brother or sister in the Lord do something that has offended you, you might just forgive them, understanding that they have not yet grown to understand that it was an offense.
Forgive them and move on.
I know that this is the second part of the chapter, but that may be because it is the more important part to remember.
Before you attempt to handle the offense in any other way, forgive the offender.
There must be no animosity
· There must be no grudge held
· There must be only love and concern for a fellow member of the body of Christ your God has fitted each of you to be part of.
II. GO TO THEM PRIVATELY
Matthew 18:15 (KJV)
Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
In almost every case the offense can be forgotten if it is just forgiven.
On the other hand, there are some issues that won’t go away unless they are addressed. It is not that you can’t let go unless you tell them how you feel. It is that the offense will continue unless you come to some understanding with the brother or sister. If a member of the church assumes it is all right for them to enjoy your home without your permission, you will probably have to tell them what your expectations of personal privacy are.[1]
The key is that you have already forgiven before you go to them alone.
Notice that you are to go to them alone.
· You don’t go to a friend
· You don’t tell your favorite church clique
· You don’t even tell the pastor at this stage
You forgive them so there are no ill feelings in your heart concerning them and you talk to them alone.
So what happens if you speak with them and there is no resolution?
A. You forgive them.
Before you get others involved, consider again whether this is a situation you might just let drop.
When I was in Bible College I had one teacher who was difficult to get along with.
· His personality was abrasive
· His expectation were high and
· His academics were not always “fair”
He failed everyone in the class on our mid-terms one semester. When I approached him about it, because I could not believe that the entire class had failed, his response to me was, “Bro McKenzie, don’t worry about it. You are a consecrated student. You will get a good grade in my class.”
So his final grade was based on what he perceived to be our level of godliness and not our actual performance in the course? It didn’t seem right to me and I asked me pastor about it.
He suggested that God had put that teacher in my life to teach me a lesson more important than the subject of the course, that life, especially in the ministry, has plenty of abrasive personalities in it. You have to learn how to forgive them and get along with them.
Maybe God is not ready for that person to resolve the situation that bugs you. Maybe God wants you to learn how to have a sweet spirit and forgiving heart to someone who keeps enjoying your home without permission.
B. You consider the next step
Which is….
III. GO TO THEM WITH ONE OR TWO OTHERS
Matthew 18:16 (KJV)
But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
By the way, these ought not be people who you know will “take your side” but those in the church who are spiritual mature and can help you resolve the situation.
Did you ever think that it might be you that is causing the offense and not the other?
You ought to at least be willing to entertain the idea.
They might be able to
· Explain the offense to the person
· Explain to you why it is not an offense
· Help the two of you come to terms with a resolution
If this does not resolve the issue I remind you that you might still have the option of dropping it.
If that option is not realistic,
IV. TELL IT TO THE CHURCH
Matthew 18:17 (KJV)
And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
I suggest that this means first of all, the pastor.
If he was not one of the one or two who was called upon in the previous step[2], this would be the time to bring him in.
Telling it to the church does not mean that any and every member of the church should take it upon himself or herself to spread negative information about another in the church, to individual church members. This would mean taking it to the church as a functioning body, under the direction of the pastor. There is never permission to spread gossip, even if you feel justified, to others. Take it to those who have the authority to address the offense.
I would also like to suggest that, because of the nature of the consequence if they neglect to hear the church, the only offenses that should make it to this level are those that directly trample the name of Jesus Christ.
No Christian should be considered a heathen or publican just because they hurt our feelings and we didn’t get the apology we wanted from them. The only offenses that should come before the church are those that, if the brother or sister neglects to hear, would warrant them being delivered to Satan.[3]
I would also remind you that, if the offense is criminal in nature, it is unethical, and wrong to hide it from the authorities such as police, child services, or other official agencies.
Now –what happens if the one who has offended you is your pastor?
1. Your pastor is a man and will sometimes makes offensive mistakes.
Forgive him
Pray for him
2. Your pastor’s position is an inherently offensive one
James 3:1-2 (KJV)
My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation.
For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.
- Forgive him
- Pray for him
- Submit to his authority
3. Your pastor is in the hand of God and will be dealt with in the courts of heaven for error
Revelation 1:16, 20 (KJV)
And he had in his right hand seven stars: and out of his mouth went a sharp twoedged sword: and his countenance was as the sun shineth in his strength…..
The mystery of the seven stars which thou sawest in my right hand, and the seven golden candlesticks. The seven stars are the angels of the seven churches: and the seven candlesticks which thou sawest are the seven churches.
- Forgive him
- Pray for him
- Support him in his work
In conclusion
1. Forgive them
2. Go to them privately – forgive them
3. Go to them with one or two mature members of the church – forgive them
4. Go to the Church’s pastor – (only if the offense is against Christ and His church)
[1]This may be a petty example but there multiple real life applications.
[2]I don’t think it always has to be. It could be a deacon, a trusted teacher in the church or someone in the church’s counseling ministry. It might be someone the pastor recommended to help with the situation.
[3]1 Corinthians 5:5 (KJV)
To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.
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